Life Is Too Short For Bad Coffee.

And other lessons I have learned from my past relationships. Hello, it's me, ooosh a new post, I am spoiling you. I have put the https://www.my11yearplan.com/post/2024-can-f-cking-f-ck-off behind me, it's written, it's done, we move on. New Jaaaaag is behaving and is sublime. So ssssshhhh she might hear you, lets not jinx it. How long does a jar of coffee last in your house, here at Casa Pablo, its probably a couple of weeks. I only drink coffee in the morning, by midday I am done. As I was making my first brew this morning I had to change the jar, that's nothing special or unusual, depending on your 'habit' this is something we all do on the regular. It's just the next jar after all, just reaching a little further into the back of the cupboard, however, it was a little different today. I was going back to the 'new' coffee. That's when the title popped in my head, I have this coffee in my life because of one person, someone I spent some special, lovely, albeit short, time with. I am far from a coffee snob, I don't have an expensive machine that grinds beans, froths milk or predicts the next coming of Christ. I also don't buy beans that have been ingested and then shat out by an animal, it's a cat isn't it? Yep, people buy coffee beans that have been through the digestive tract of an animal, pick them from their faeces and think it is a good idea to make a drink from them. Honest. I have seen humanity at some of its most depraved during my military career, however the person that had that idea has their own seat in Hell. I have a simple filter machine that I rarely use as it doesn't get hot enough, yes I know that coffee is 'optimal' at 82 to 85 Celsius, (I can Google with the best of them) but I may as well have an iced coffee. I like my coffee hot and I don't want to hear any of this nonsense about it 'burning the grains'. I Am Not A Coffee Snob, did I mention that? Iced Coffee, is there anything worse in the world of ingestion than that? Aside from all the macchia/frape/latte/shots/fusions of course. Iced Coffee Coffee. Cold. With ice. Your author shudders involuntarily.

Nope. I like mine black, hot, with a hint of sweetness from a small amount of demerara sugar. just like I like my... Ha, nope, that's not how I like them at all, as you all well know. Ok, what is my choice of the luxurious bean? Ready? Nescafe Intense Gold Blend. An Instant coffee and a gold blend no less. Told you I wasn't a snob. The question is, what was I drinking before this reckless deep dive into a branded gold blend, an intense gold blend to be fair to it, that needed intervention from someone special? Asda own brand gold blend, not 'intense'. Circa £3 a jar. My reasoning was that it tastes ok and is cheap, as in less than half of the price of the new coffee, it does the job. I got schooled by the last serious lady in my life.

One day said lady turns up with her own coffee as she doesn't like mine, and says the immortal line of Life Is Too Short For Bad Coffee, and she was 100% right. Although the coffee she brought was terrible, personal opinion, ha ha. After we separated I moved to my new brand and told her, she laughed, saying she 'told me so' and now I have good coffee in my life, simple, but good coffee. Thank you xx Ok, the subtitle, seeing as we have dealt with coffee and it took at least three minutes of your life to learn I drink an instant coffee, lets dive in to the real reason for this post. What else have I learned from my past relationships?

Oooooosh, faithful reader, this could be deep and I need to be fair to myself as much as I need to be to those I have spent time with. If ever a precursor to personal character assassination was ever written... I am not an easy partner. I am selfish. I am opinionated. I am habitual. I have a level of OCD (although not as bad as yours Mr. S). I have a temper and a terrible habit of being (thinking I am) right all of the time. I am jealous. I get bored easily. I have periods of self destruction. They are short, and thankfully, getting shorter. I have imposter syndrome. This is fascinating. I just had a break from writing the above, I had a Jaws Facebook group film showing of Jaws, its important as its the best film ever, duh, and before that break I had written counter arguments to my above bad points. Coming back and reading them, all I saw was me trying to excuse the bad. I deleted them. In a heartbeat. You cannot excuse your bad, you have to realise it, accept and deal with it. Be a better person. I could go all political and align myself to those who are trying to 'get are county back' (sic) however lets keep this away from that lot, or my temper will find a way forward. There might be a post in that though. I don't think I am a bad person.

I don't think I am a great person either. In 1997 I met an amazing lady, by chance, and you'd agree that it was by chance if you know our story, which I am not going into, just trust your author, things aligned.

We got married. It was great, really great, we had a superb life, superb friends, amazing holidays, awesome home, cars, the works.

Yet.

In 2012 I left it all behind for an ex that I thought was my future, I have dealt with that and her in previous posts.

It lasted four years or so. (We also tried again in 2023). She is the constant. The next serious lady was much younger than me, that also lasted for around four years or so and is partly a reason why I live where I do now. We split just before the lockdown. Since then I have not had anything that has lasted over six months. I have asked myself why and partly I referred myself to my previous of 'I am not an easy partner.' In reality, a large part is that I did meet someone in 2021 that could have and would have been the 'one' and I fucked it up. 100% my fault.

We had this thing where I would say 'hey' and she'd say 'what' and I'd say 'how much' and in her northern accent she'd reply with 'shurrup' with a smile that said so much more than any words and a part of me knows that would have been our thing for always. I wanted it to be our thing for always. I guess in a way, it is, we just don't say it to each other anymore.

This song sums up my feelings on where we are now, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdKzbF7j4Zg;

What's keeping me up all night

Is knowing what's keeping you up all night

Since I ain't the one holding on to you

I'm holding on for dear life

Fire and brimstone ain't got nothing on

Seeing you with someone else

It's a whole anther level

Girl, even the devil don't know this kinda hell

She's moved on and is happy and I am ok with that.  I am. Now. Recently.

I held on to the 'chance' for too long. He's a lucky man. Smiley Emoji

Lets not forget the Canadian. Actually lets forget that. Line drawn. What was I thinking? My ex wife taught me to better myself in everything I did, mainly in my work, she was driven and I wanted to match that pace and she is the reason I am in the career and job I am now. She taught me what fajitas were, what the 'double arm clap' in Friends meant, Friday night home discos, how to laugh so hard that you made yourself feel sick and so much more. I made a huge mistake in mistreating that lady and leaving her. Thank you xx The younger lady made me want to live again, she was a breath of fresh air after a period of almost solitude, she had (I assume still does have) such a zest for life and it was infectious. One of the most thoughtful people I have ever had the pleasure to spend time with. You turned my life around and I am sorry it ended the way it did, that was never the plan. I am pleased with your recent news, he's a fortunate man. Thank you xx To the ever constant, the one that goes back to 1987 and has been in my life on and off ever since. I don't think I have ever loved someone as hard and deep as I did you. In fact, that's a fact, I haven't. You taught me patience. You taught me how to deal with pain, how to deal with a broken heart, how to deal with jealousy. This all sounds negative, but it isn't, it's deeper than that and more than I can explain here or needs explaining. I am still unsure of what it is. It's like Nessa and Smithy in Gavin and Stacey, which is one of our favourite shows. Thank you xx I am still single and I am OK with this, I am not seriously looking and from someone who saw ladies in the same way a cat reacts to catnip, this is quite the step in a direction I was not expecting. I am simply not interested at the moment and I don't think I have been for some time, which requires an apology to the recent ladies including the inspiration for this post, I hope I didn't waste your time. Part of me wonders if I feel this way due to the way that I acted back then, my actions and reactions, which sometimes still raises it's ugly head even to this day. I don't like who I was back then. Not a nice guy. I have gone so far in the other direction that I have actually lost all my confidence. I wouldn't even know if someone was showing interest in me now, when before my radar was pinging all of the time. I went back to the dating app's and got matches and then got cold feet and decided to not meet. OK, I have been telling myself and I believe it, that my life is pretty sweet at the moment and to have that disrupted will require something very special, maybe that's an excuse. Maybe I am simply scared. Maybe I am scared of 'that guy' still being around and coming to the forefront again. Maybe I haven't moved on as much as I like to tell myself I have. Maybe I am just a bit of a dickhead...