I am so shit at texting.

And I am also the worlds biggest overthinker.

My ever faithful, I promised no more melancholy posts and I stand by that promise, this will hopefully be humorous, for you anyway, at my expense, which is of course why you come back to me over and over again. You are bastards, (in)glorious bastards but bastards none the less.

I do love you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXxr9A_UBG4

I don't consider myself a great writer, I have no education in writing outside of secondary school level. I do read books daily and my work requires a level of professional writing so I keep my hand in.

I have a passable grasp of spelling and grammar and can be quite pedantic around the same. I know my there, their and they're. Which over witch. He's over his. And do not even get me started on could/would/should of! I still struggle with the apostrophe though.

I believe that my known word count and useable vocabulary is advanced but far from elite. James O'Brien is in a whole other dimension and I often find myself looking up words he uses and then I try to commit them to memory, often failing miserably.

Although he recently did a piece on his show about how we should not worry about or correct the use of incorrect words or grammar in texts, but accept that we clearly know what the writer is stating and move on. Maybe he is right. Do not sweat the small stuff. Oh, to be that advanced. I do get compliments on these posts, so I have to assume I am writing something passable and of merit. Well I used to. I worry that you have become bored of me my ever faithful, I have lost you. And, there it is. I lost you. Well, my overthinking brain thought I had.

A few weeks back I had the most random and totally lovely conversation over social media. It started with a comment on one of my posts and led to a chat that I would never have made the assumption would happen. Ever. But it did.

Oh my faithful, I was thrown, I was flattered, I was beside myself. Yet, when I look back I held my nerve and was even charming in that initial exchange. We shared music and spoke about a song that I sent and how I would act as the lyrics of the song suggested if we were together and the response was that they would likely do the same.

Stella Lefty - Lean In, Kiss Me (Lyric Video) It ended with a lovely message that I had to re-read the next morning to ensure I had not been dreaming. I know that I can let myself get ahead of the game and that I can come on too strong, but on this occasion I wasn't. I was excited about the prospect, very, but I was also being realistic. Telling each other that we find the other very attractive is one thing, getting past the first hurdle of meeting is another and as it turns out our diaries clashed and we were looking at least five weeks before we could meet (there is a distance factor that means a mid week meet/drink is not feasible). Then I let the wheels fall off.

Well. In my head I did anyway, that place that I should never be left alone in for long.

Honestly I sent some of the worst texts known to man.

Some context is needed. I have always thought this lady was rather lovely, albeit from a respectful distance, and my brain turned to mush when given the opportunity to engage with her on a personal level. I know!

Me.

Mushy. I am normally Mr Uber Confident, I can be funny and am often quick witted, yet, this time, I was tripping over my tongue like a total fool. I was Tom in Grease. Brains in my Biceps. Grease: Danny apologies to Sandy You want an example? We were chatting about an upcoming event she was attending but the weather was rubbish there, and sunny here. In my head I was thinking that I could say something romantic like 'If I could I would put the sun in my car and drive it to you for your day I would', or 'I am praying to the sun gods for you' (granted still very cheesy). What I actually said was... and ever faithful I am sat here shaking my head as I type this out. 'Ha, I just caught myself writing some soppy shit about putting the sun in my car if I could'. That got a heart reaction, amazingly and I would say generously.

But, oh no, I didn't leave it there.

Some time later after spending that same time mulling over my stupidity I then sent, to a lady I have met once on a professional level four years ago, this.

(And, you are going to love this, put anything that can be spilled down when you read the next bit, because you are going to laugh at me and then cringe on my behalf).

'I am not saying that I cannot be soppy and send soppy shit, it is just that I don't really know you yet and maybe sending stuff like that would be a bit weird, I can be romantic, honest.'

That never got a reply and I deleted the thread as I was never wanting to read that again (although it is now committed to this post).

I am going to volunteer for a never to return space mission, it is the only way I can get far enough from my own embarrassment. Surely I have blown my chances, there is no coming back from that. I wrote so many texts that never got sent as each one was worst than the above.

I wanted to say that I am clearly shit at texting, but give me that chance to sit across a table from you for a couple of hours and you will see the real me. I wanted to suggest that we call it off, as a means of reverse psychology. (I know, I know, ssssshhh I hear you) I was even going to explain the explanation of the soppy shit text. Mush Mouth! But, she has never said that we won't meet. And I hope we do, of course I do, but if we don't, then that's fine too. It was a lovely, unexpected conversation and I'm grateful (and flattered) for that. I am not turning this into something it isn't. Maybe, if and when we meet, I will just sit there in silence so that my tongue doesn't trip me up anymore...