No, not the TV show. Although I have eaten at the London filming location, The Paternoster Chop House, twice, overrated and no CiCi, Merlin or Fred to detract from the gross prices and cramped seating. I mean actual first dates, meeting someone for the first time after a likely period of chatting via a dating app. The Last Incarnation of Hell. https://www.my11yearplan.com/post/dating-apps Holy shit! That post is three years old, almost to the day and here I am still writing about first dates. Where did it come off the rails? Let's see, let us see if we can change the points and get back on track.
Maybe after matching and chatting on the app, you have braved swapping numbers and are using WhatsApp, which in fairness with the ongoing development of phones and Apps making it so much easier to delete and block numbers, and people, renders it less risky. Do you ever look at your blocked list and nod your head?
Or, even better, and oh dear reader, this is a favourite of mine, when you get Facebook memories of posts from years ago and you look back at the comments and see all of the people you are no longer friends with knowing you deleted them.
Ha ha I love that. I bet you look at their profiles though, you nosey buggers, yeah you do, don't lie to me, I know you all too well. If I get a match and the chat starts, I will never ask for a ladies number, I make it clear that I wish for them to be comfortable with me and who I say I am and for them to lead that next step.
I will, after a few messages share my socials so they can 'check me out' and see that I am not actually marred with three kids and looking for a quickie.
That reminds me of the scene in Episode One of Yellowstone, which as of this post in late November 2024 I have only just started watching, I know, always the bridesmaid and always late to the party. The scene sees Beth, played by the very stunning Kelly Reilly sat in a bar, when 'Ted' approaches her and she sums him up in a few short sentences and sees who he is and what he is after, brilliant. Kelly Reilly, oosh, I first saw her in a film called Eden Lake which is harrowing and I say that as a devout fan of the most depraved horror I can find, which in general means the film and plot (massive inverted commas there) is so far from being 'likely' as to be comical. Eden Lake though, that's another level. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJkO9HBXuhc Tangents Paul, always off on tangents. Focus man! As of 1752hrs Tuesday 26th November 2024 I am writing this on a train (the bumpiest train I have ever been on, honest it is horrific) heading to Chester for a first date.
Another one.
I think since I split with the 'last serious' in 2019 I have had more first dates in these five years than I have had in my lifetime.
As we know one of those first dates lead to a short but stunning time with a lovely lady and I would have been more than content for that to have been my last first date.
But! We don't look back as that is not the way we are heading.
Dating is different now, I swear previously that it could take weeks or even months to get to a first date, probably because you drank in the same bar on the odd Saturday, or like my last serious you worked together.
It took time, which invariably involved catching each others eye across a room, holding it for longer than would be considered 'normal' and then looking away, both probably thinking 'they'll never be thinking of me that way', or the odd chat which would always result in both walking away wishing they had the guts to actually ask the other one out.
And repeat ad finitum until someone intervenes and knocks your heads together or Dutch Courage kicks in.
My ex wife and I flirted for over two years before our first date, which was orchestrated by friends, and after that we were together for the next fifteen years.
We are a strange species, no doubt, we overthink everything and panic about the consequences.
As I have explored before, I am quite risk adverse, however the world is a different place now and people are quick to label 'behaviours' and I truly believe that has changed, the majority of, peoples approach to dating and in particular making the first move.
It has changed me, no doubt, as I mention in a previous post, I forget which and I am not going searching, don't be lazy, do your own research dear reader, I used to approach ladies the same way a cat does catnip, I would dive in and smother myself with them.
I adore them and for some reason they adored me, it was almost easy and I could read the signs. But, I am nowhere near as confident as I once was and I wonder if that is due to the volume of first dates that have not progressed past that point.
I don't always pick up on the signs that someone is interested in me, you know that lingering smile when in your presence, that casual brush against you or accidentally touching your hand with theirs and letting that linger. Maybe and more likely I simply don't garner the attention I once did. The grey is taking over the beard and I am almost able to challenge Ant McPartlin to a forehead off if it wasn't for some creative cutting and styling of my hair.
When its wet it looks like the shoreline of the south coast with its own little Isle of Wight nestling in The Channel that is my forehead. Dating in the 'Over 50's Club' (I have just had some t-shirts for the gym made with that on the back) is also a nightmare. You probably think that by mid to late forties everything in life is sorted, but it isn't, people are having children later in life, they, well we, have a history and that brings it own challenges and restrictions. I am also pretty bloody fussy, I am 52 and I am at the age where I want a simple but fulfilling life and I have that, there is little drama in my day to day existence and I only want that to continue and be complimented, not complicated. Oh and if they happen to look like the rather lovely Kelly Reilly or Margot Robbie, then who am I to argue? The chat leading to this first date was different, in that it was engaging and easy, with humour and honesty. I had high hopes, with a little reticence purely due to past experiences. We had swapped socials so I knew that the lady I was meeting would look like her photos on Hinge, this was looking promising, we don't live too far apart and in fact we live in towns that compliment each other, boxes are being ticked my ever faithful reader.
We had even joked about 'picking out curtains' in the pre-date chat. The First Date went well, it was polite and the chat was easy and engaging, we laughed and the time passed quickly, always a good sign, we watched the Bake Off final on my laptop in a bar as we didn't want to miss it.
Dylan choked and Georgie won the day. This is looking good huh? There will not be second date...
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